WINFIELD WORD WEAVING

Copyright © 2015 by David Winfield

Edited by Dawn Cadwell

Dedicated to and written
for my sweet Ella Rose.

Chapter One

On a drizzly, grey October mid-afternoon, an old gentleman peacefully drove his silvery SUV down a bumpy country road. To call him old was not properly fair. No, he was not old, yet having experienced many of life’s twists and turns, he might more aptly be called wise.  Yes, that paints a more accurate picture. 

The gentleman had all of his hair, not like his follically-challenged kin. His hair was most definitely bespeckled with flecks of silver and grey, not unlike his trusty SUV steed. Like a badge of honor, the coloring of his hair gave assurance–to even the most casual of observers–of his wisdom and knowledge.

Lost in his thoughts, the gentleman recalled his recent adventures in the wilderness. An annual pilgrimage with his less hairy brothers and older, and most-definitely wiser father had become a cherished time of bonding for the male members of his beloved family. The men in the family grandly referred to this time-honored tradition as “The Great Hunt.”

But today, home safe after his adventure, our wise Huntsman travelled to a new destination, more cherished than even his brotherly male bonding excursions. This prized place that he held most precious in his heart was more rejuvenating to his soul; we speak of his time with his beloved granddaughter, Ella Rose.

As he arrived at a charming grey-green home where he would most certainly find his precious gem, he saw through the front window a small face and set of hands. They were pushed against the glass, making a foggy smudge so that only a cute button nose and 10 fingertips were clearly visible. As he approached the front door of the quaint little cottage, an excited blur raced away from the window and footsteps announced Ella Rose’s arrival at the entryway. He steeled himself for the impact as the front door opened wide. Wham! Such moments of welcome, accompanied by a waist high bear hug, meant more to the gentleman’s heart than all of the riches in the world combined. 

“Hello, my sweetheart! So glad to see you,” our gentlemen said to his eager little granddaughter. 

“Hi, Grandpa D Come to my room to see what I built for my baby sister, Evelyn. I made her a crib out of a box and some fuzzy blankets. I put a spinney toy over the top of the crib so she can look at it…she loves to look at spinney things,” Ella Rose exclaimed. Then a curious look came over Ella’s face. It was a puzzled look which caused her cute little mouth to turn up, then down, then open as if she were about to say something. Then she did.

“Something’s different about you Grandpa, you look – strange,” she finally intoned. With a laugh and the understanding that children don’t have the same filters as adults, right or wrong, Grandpa D bent down, picked up his granddaughter with a squeeze and said, “I missed you too, Sweetie!” 

Chapter Two

“I know what it is. You don’t have your beard anymore. Where did it go?” Ella Rose asked.

Now our dear old, wise Grandpa D was now mirroring the same curious face his observant grandchild previously wore. “Where did it go?” That was not the question he thought would follow her first observation about his missing facial decoration. Without missing a beat, and with an internal chuckle, a fanciful story sprang to life in Grandpa D’s head. “Well, come with me my sweet, let’s sit down here. Pop up on my lap, and I’ll tell you my story. Although,” he paused for effect, “I’m not sure I should tell you the whole tragic tale with all of the scary details.” 

“You can tell me. I won’t be scared,” she said bravely.

“All right then, where should I start?” 

“How about the beginning? That where all good stories start,” Ella said with her hands on hips.

“It’s a deal, the beginning it is.” And with that, he whisked up Ella and plopped her on his lap, arms around her in a hug. Then, he began to weave a tale that he was sure would delight and enthrall his little Ella Rose.

“It all began last Tuesday at 8 o’clock in the morning. My father and I loaded up the truck with everything we would need for our hunting adventure and hit the road to our promised land of prosperity and abundance. We like to call it ‘The Great Hunt’. On the way to our final destination, we met up with my two other brothers and they joined us the rest of the way…” 

“Grandpa D? I didn’t mean the very, very beginning – get to the part where you lost your beard,” she said impatiently.

“Well, this is where it all started to get strange,” Grandpa D explained. “When we stopped to meet my brothers, I noticed my chin start to itch, and it felt like my beard – it was like, pulling off of my chin or something. I rubbed it and I didn’t mention it to anyone, but from that moment on I knew something was not right. Anyway, we continued to drive down the road. My father quickly fell asleep in the passenger seat. You see, I was driving one truck, and my brothers were in their own trucks. I found myself alone, enjoying the beautiful rolling hills of Central Oregon. That’s when it happened.” 

“What happened Grandpa?” Ella Rose’s eyes fixed squarely on his face. 

“Well, I don’t know any other way to describe it, but my beard, which has been securely fastened to my chin for as many years as you’ve been a twinkle in your mother’s eye, did something completely unexpected.” He paused, rubbed his head, then looked Ella in the eyes, but didn’t say anything. 

“What happened Grandpa?! Ella demanded. 

“My beard jumped off my face and onto my lap,” Grandpa D bluntly proffered.

Chapter Three

“What? It did not–what? You’re lying to me,” she said with a cautious smirk on her lips. 

“I would never lie to my sweet Ella Rose,” Grandpa D said with his hand to his heart. “As sure as I am sitting here with you, I tell you, my beard jumped off of my face, onto my lap and began to talk to me, all the while, my father slept in the passenger seat.” Struggling to hold back a smile, he continued to spin this tail of blatant silliness. There was, for sure, some guilt involved because Grandpa D knew he had just lied to his most special treasure. However, he figured once all was said and done, she’d forgive him–no, she would thank and applaud him for such a lovely entertaining tale.

“As you can imagine, I almost drove off the road. I didn’t quite know what to do. Should I yell? It didn’t hurt; it just came off, so no reason to yell. I didn’t want to wake Dad, this was kind of embarrassing, you know? It’s kind of like your pants falling down in public, not something you want to happen.” 

“What did you do?” Ella cautiously asked. 

“Well, I just looked at it. It seemed to be, you know, alive. It was standing on legs made of hair and it was looking at me. So I did what any sane person who was looking at his own beard that was standing on his own lap would do – I said hello.” 

“You said Hello? Why would you do that? Your beard can’t talk,” Ella Rose said, unbelieving. 

“It said hello back, much to my astonishment. Again, I jumped and almost had to pull over. But as weird as this was, I was still very curious so I asked, ‘What is your name?’ Thinking back now, this was a silly question, of course its name was Grandpa D’s beard, but I wasn’t thinking straight and I questioned if I should pull to the side of the road and take a nap. Clearly, I needed a break.” 

“What did he say his name was?” Ella said and staring wide-eyed. Grandpa D realized there was no backing out of this now; she was hooked. They were hitching a ride on the Silly Train, to Crazyland and he was the conductor.

“He said, in a small, wispy voice, ‘Chinifurr’. He continued that he was tired of just hanging out on my face. He felt there was more to life than just keeping my lower jaw warm and food-stain free. No, he wanted more; he wanted to hunt with the guys. He wanted to bond just like the rest of us always did. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I told him that if he got back on my face, I’d take him hunting and he could help me just like he always did. He didn’t buy that though. No, he wanted to be just like the guys, creeping through the brush and the brambles, taking aim at the target and providing food for his family.” 

“Family? He has a family?” Ella Rose queried in amazement.

“That’s what I asked him,” Grandpa D continued. “He said he had a son named Chinifuzz and two daughters named, Peachyfuzz, and Lippifuzz. He also said that he used to have a wife, but they were no longer married. At that comment, I realized we had a lot of things in common. Then I thought to myself, wait a minute, I’m having a conversation with my disembodied goatee; this was quite a strange happening indeed. So I said, if he’d consider getting back on my face, I’d consider talking to my brothers and father about him joining us on our hunt.”

Chapter Four

Grandpa D was on a roll now, and he knew it. He continued on with his crazy tale, “At that very moment, my father started to wake. Out of sheer horror, I grabbed Chinifurr and smashed him back on my chin, holding him in place, and giving my sleepy-eyed father a sheepish grin. ‘How are you doing there, son?’ my father asked. ‘Fine, just fine, couldn’t be better, nothing weird going on here, nothing strange or extraordinary to report, you know; You can go back to sleep if you want. I’m doing just great,’ I nervously rattled out. ‘You seem a little stressed, you need a break from driving?’ my father probed cautiously. I replied that maybe at the next gas station, we could stop and get some coffee. ‘I could use a little caffeine,’ I said, and I really meant it.”

Ella Rose looked at Grandpa D impatiently and said, “Grandpa D? What happened to your beard?!”

“Sorry Sweetie, I’m getting there,” Grandpa D said with a smile. “So as we continued down the road, I was nervously hoping my beard wouldn’t reanimate and announce his independence to my father. There are certain things that your father should know about you; having belligerent facial tufts is not one of those things. Much to my relief, my beard stayed put. I got coffee and I thought to myself, ‘that was the weirdest hallucination I ever had without the aid of Dental Office laughing gas.’ ” 

“What happened next? Did your beard fall off again?” Grandpa D’s attentive audience inquired.

“Nope. All was normal. We got to camp without incident, set everything up, and enjoyed an evening around the fire. We talked about politics and about new babies in the family and about all sorts of things we don’t normally get to discuss. All was well, and I quickly forgot the whole strange beard event had ever occurred. That is, until it was time to go to bed. My fuzz covered chin started to itch again.”

“It happened so quickly and so thankfully out of sight of my family, I was relieved and desperately disappointed at the same time. 

‘So, what did your brothers say about me joining the hunting party tomorrow morning?’ came the same wispy voice I was fearful of hearing again. As I turned on my headlamp and sat down on my sleeping bag in my tent, I turned my head toward the location of the voice. There, I saw my beard standing on my pillow, furry hands on furry hips, tapping his furry toes with impatience. ‘Um, hey!’ I said sheepishly. ‘I didn’t expect to see you so soon.’ ”

Chapter Five

 ‘What’s that supposed to mean? I still want to hunt and you said you’d think about it. Did you forget?’ 

‘No, no, I just thought maybe you changed your mind.’ The moment I said it, I realized the absurdity of the statement. Beards don’t have minds… do they? Of course they don’t. Preposterous! But they do, and my beard said, ‘My mind is set, and I want what every upstanding facial stubble wants, the freedom to do as he pleases, and the ability to provide for my famil…’ The loud sound of a zipper opening the tent flap sent me diving face first onto my pillow. With a thud, I realized my stinky boots were casting their odorous perfume right where my face had landed, but I was able to capture my precocious pelage and secure it once again to my lower face. ‘Who in the heck are you talking to in here? I heard you yell Preposterous! Everything cool?’ my youngest brother asked, poking his head through the tent door.  

‘Oh hey, yeah, I’ve been practicing my vocabulary lately. Preposterous is a word I’ve been trying to incorporate into my daily language. It’s Preposterous that you would think it Preposterous of me to use Preposterous in a sentence. You see? I used it three times right there,’ I said with unconvincing certitude. ‘Um yeah, you’re a fruit loop. You’d better get some sleep there Vocabulary Boy.’ 

“Cutting to be sure, but you know how brothers are, they like to kid and poke fun at you, but no matter how weird they think you are, they’ll be the first to stand up for you against any foe, no matter how big or small. Come to think of it, I imagine the same is probably true for sisters,” Grandpa D told Ella Rose. He felt a sense of pride swell is his chest as he reminded his first granddaughter that she now was a big sister. And, he realized with smile, soon he’d be telling silly stories on rainy days to two little girls perched attentively on his lap.

“So did you let your beard hunt with you and your brothers like he wanted?” Ella Rose continued the ever-evolving narrative. 

“Oh yeah, no, no. I told him no. He was to stay on my face and do his job, just like every other beard. Beards don’t hunt; they ride. I was firm with him, so much so, that I actually felt a little sorry for the guy,” said Grandpa D. “I decided when we get back that I was going to take him to the barber and get him a nice trim-up and conditioner treatment. After all, I’m kind of attached to the little guy.”

Chapter Six

“Why wouldn’t you let him hunt with you? “ asked Ella Rose. “It doesn’t seem like such a big deal. You guys hunt, and daddy hunts, why shouldn’t your beard hunt as well?” This was going in an even stranger direction than Grandpa D had anticipated. A once funny story about an absurd idea had now evolved into a discussion of facial foliage, morality and freewill. Grandpa D might be banished from telling stories if his daughter ever heard about this one, he pondered worriedly. “Well sweetie, you see, hunting, although enjoyable, is also serious business. When you go into the forest and encounter wild animals, it can be dangerous. Wild animals, even deer and elk, can be very dangerous. They are big and strong; they have horns and hooves and if threatened, they can injure you or worse. So you see, I was just trying to protect my goatee by keeping him close to me. This way, he can be part of the hunt, but not get injured. Make sense?” Grandpa D cautiously asked. 

“Well, I guess so…” Nice redirect and recovery, Grandpa. You are wise, he thought to himself.

“So then, where did your beard go if you didn’t let him hunt?” Ella Rose asked with frustration. Better get to the punch line Grandpa. 

“So, everything was back to normal, we all went out to hunt early in the morning. We didn’t see anything like usual, but I was okay with that. I just like the idea of getting something, but that’s another story. Anyway, on the way back to camp, tragedy struck. I found myself separated from my brothers and father.”

“What did you do?” Ella Rose asked with hint of concern on her face.

“They went over the hill to ‘glass’ another hillside and while they were doing that, I decided to, um, water a tree…” 

“You mean, you had to pee?” she said giggling. 

“Oh, I see you’ve gone hunting with your daddy and know what that means. Yes, I had to pee. Anyway, while I was ‘watering the tree,’ I spotted a squirrel about 20 yards away, standing on a stump. In its hands, he was holding a stick and an acorn, and he was staring me down, something fierce.”

Chapter Seven

“The next thing I know, my beard is standing straight out from my face and before I could zip up, it zipped off my face on a dead run toward that ferocious looking rodent. I had no idea facial hair could move that fast.”

Ella’s mouth had dropped open in amazement. She couldn’t even speak.

“Well, as I watched the ensuing events unfold,” Grandpa D continued, “I couldn’t help feel a little happy that my facial hair would finally get its wish for a hunt, even after my protestations. Mr. Squirrel was not backing down though. It took the acorn and bit off the cap and hurled it toward its fast approaching foe. A large flash and boom erupted in front of Chinifurr, but he, with lightning agility, dived out of danger, tucked, rolled, picked up a stick and hit the ground running without missing a beat. With an Olympian-sized leap, he lifted into the air and landed on the stump to face his waiting adversary, both hands tightly squeezing his ‘Twigsabber’. Thrust, slash, parry, and thrust again. As if in slow motion, the two warriors battled to stalemate; with every attempt, the other would foil. They were so equal in ability, even one minor misstep would decide who the victor would be. I watched in amazement for what seemed like hours; I had no idea my goatee was a sword master, let alone sentient. Then, it seemed as if the tide was turning in Chinfurr’s favor as he manufactured a final, brutal onslaught. He had his foe on the ropes, but he made a fatal error and showed his human side. He got cocky and started fencing the beast with his weak left hand. As he showboated, he stepped on the discarded acorn cap and tripped to the ground. In one fluid motion, the warrior squirrel jumped on his downed facial fuzz foe and sunk his ferocious chompers into Chinifurrs exposed neck. I didn’t realize a beard had a neck to have chompers sunken into; this was very odd indeed,” Grandpa D paused.

With a look of worry on her face, Ella Rose asked, “What did you do Grandpa?”

“As the events were unfolding,” Grandpa D continued, “I forgot I was letting the cows out of the barn.” 

“You mean you had your fly down? Yea, I know that one too…” she informed him. 

“Um, yes, so I zipped up, and ran the 20 yards to the scene of the battle, being careful not to fall into the enormous hole that the acorn-grenade caused. As I got there, I knew, there was little I could do. The victor had scurried up a tree and was chittering his insults at me. I thought, ‘that dishonorable squirrel’; he should at the very least show respect for a worthy, deposed adversary. I, ever so gently, picked up my valiant chin protector and checked it for signs of life. It was breathing, barely, but it was still alive. ‘I told you, you shouldn’t get involved in the hunt. I couldn’t protect you, why did you do it?’ The moment I said it, I knew the answer. 

‘I had to do it to be alive, to do more than I thought I could do,’ said Chinifurr. ‘I was tired of just existing; I did it because I needed to be myself…’ Cough, cough, cough…. I don’t have much time left, I’m sorry I won’t be able… cough… to keep your chin warm anymore… cough… Do me a favor,’ he softly pleaded. 

‘Anything, just name it,’ I said, tears now in my eyes. 

‘Look up my son, Chinifuzz, and let him take over for me. He could use a place to stay… cough, cough, cough… Maybe he will, one day, grow up to be a Chinifurr, like his old man.’ Then Chinifurr went silent. I started to lower him back down, but he came to again, motioning me to bring him close to my ear. ‘One…last promise, when you…eat…spaghetti, remember…to use…a napkin…’ his wispy voice trailed off to a low gurgle, and I wept reverently for my fuzzy lost friend.”

Chapter Eight

“ ‘David! Dude! Where are you?’ came voices from the other side of the bushes. I quickly wiped my eyes, kicked a hole in the ground, carefully placed Chinifurr in it, and covered him over. ‘I’m here,’ I yelled and then ran back to the path where my brothers and father were. ‘You had us worried, we thought you were lost… Um, Bro, where did your beard go?’ Puzzlement was burned into all of their faces. I told them it was a long story. ‘You’re right Doug, he is a fruit loop,’ my oldest brother verified.”

“So you see, Ella sweet, you need to be very careful when you go hunting; you can’t take anything for granted, and you need to show all animals, big or small proper respect.” 

“I know that; that’s what my daddy teaches me. You want to know something else Grandpa D?” 

“Why, yes I do, my sweet, what’s that?” He leaned in to position his ear close to her mouth. 

“Since I know you shaved off your beard because you were TIRED of it, and I NOW know that you would lie to me, even though you said you would NEVER do so, as punishment you have to play with me for the rest of the day. But I still liked your story,” she said judiciously. And with a smile and hug around Grandpa D’s neck, Ella led him to her dungeon (also known as her bedroom) where she promptly threw the “mean old dragon” in and forthwith locked the door. 

Grandpa D smiled and thought to himself, “If this is punishment, promptly throw me in the dungeon and forthwith, throw away the key.”

The End